


Cold Fury Aftermath

by Stormraven24



Category: Green Lantern: The Animated Series
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 02:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormraven24/pseuds/Stormraven24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Major spoilers for "Cold Fury". Also, total crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Fury Aftermath

“I reject you all.” Aya raised her hands to the Interceptor, her friends helpless to stop her. Quick prayers ran through their heads as they looked into the eyes that were once so clear and blue, now a dark and unforgiving black. Razer’s final thought was simple: _I’m so sorry, Aya._ “Query,” Aya said abruptly. She powered down the Anti-Monitor’s energy beam and turned her head to the left. “What is the purpose of this?”

The Lanterns froze. “What?” they all asked at once.

“Repeat: what is the purpose of this?”

Everyone onboard the Interceptor couldn’t believe what they heard next. “Aya, I’m not supposed to talk right now. We’re in the middle of something.”

“What in blazes was that?!” Zilius screeched.

“Abandon protocol for the moment, sir,” Aya said testily. At least her voice sounded almost normal again. But everyone was still reeling from the unexpected presence of a disembodied voice. “I do not like this chain of events. Please explain what the purpose of my fusion with the Anti-Monitor is.”

The voice sighed. “I’ll tell you later, I promise.”

“Okay, this is getting beyond weird,” Hal whispered. Kilowog simply grunted in agreement, while Razer and Zilius stared at Aya.

“You will tell me now or I will cease functioning,” she snapped.

“Alright, alright. Jeez.” The voice paused, and even though there was no physical body attached to it, the others couldn’t help but feel like it was ‘looking’ directly at them. “’Sup, guys? How ya doing?”

“How are we doing?” Zilius and Razer echoed together. The Prime Magistrate quickly took over. “How are we doing?! I’ll tell you how we’re doing!”

A band of red slapped his mouth shut before he could launch into his tirade. “Shut up, Zox. What is going on?!” Razer asked heatedly.

“Uhh, I’m not supposed to…”

“Tell. Me. Now.” Even Zilius had the grace to shrink back at Aya’s tone.

The disembodied voice sighed heavily. “Oh, alright. I’m Giancarlo and I kinda run things around here. It’s totally my fault for all the BS you guys are putting up with every week. I know, I know, I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry.”

Hal stepped forward even though he couldn’t see “Giancarlo”. His confusion made room for righteous anger. “So, you’re telling me that everything we’ve been through, Atrocitus, the Zamorans, losing Aya, all of this is your doing?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Okay, let’s pretend for a minute I believe any of this right now (I’m probably just dreaming or hallucinating or something). Why would you do something like this? Why would you purposefully hurt us?”

“It’s not out of cruelty, Hal,” Giancarlo proclaimed. “Look, you guys are so unbelievably awesome…except you, Zox. No one likes you. I’m just doing what needs to be done to move the story along and establish some kind of emotional connection to the viewers.”

“What ‘viewers’?” Kilowog growled. “We’re not on some stupid reality show! This is real life! **Our** lives!”

“Yeeeeah, about that…look, just listen.” The voice disappeared only to be replaced by the cries of thousands of people. Some were screaming shrilly (“my babies!!!!” “why would you do that?!” “this is why we can’t have nice things!” “NOOOOOOO!!!!!” “kfngszngsjigjsn”), some were sobbing quietly, but they all sounded as if they’d just watched their best friend die. “Hear that? That’s the sound of this week’s viewers. They’re devastated that Aya could shut down her emotions so quickly and turn on you. I’m sorry, Razer. I kinda made you out to be a bit of a douche.”

Aya spoke up. “You have been observing and guiding our deeds all this time, correct?”

“Yep.”

“You created something beautiful with the love between Razer and I only to take it away.”

“I’m really sorry about that, but…”

“So what was the purpose of such a hurtful decision? Why would you destroy something that was once so wonderful?”

“Uhh…”

“’Uhh’. A response given when a satisfactory explanation is either too convoluted or otherwise unable to be given easily and simply. Unacceptable.”

“Aya’s right, ya stupid voice! What’s the point of all this?”

“Spoilers, Kilowog! We still got, like, six or seven episodes left. I can’t tell you what happens.”

Razer crossed his arms, clearly not amused by any of this, but helpless to do anything about it. “Then what can you tell us?”

“Look, aside from the fans no one loves you guys as much as me. It hurts my heart to out you through this pain, but there is a reason for it.”

“Then spill it!”

“First of all, calm down, Hal. No one likes a hothead.” Kilowog couldn’t help but chuckle; he’d said the same thing many times before. “And secondly, I promise there’s a point to it all. It’ll all work out in the end and everyone will be happy…more or less. You just gotta trust me for a bit.”

Silence filled the Interceptor like a physical weight. The absurdity of this sudden turn of events left the crew in various states of disbelief, confusion, shock, and anger. Aya was the first to break it. “Unacceptable.” She turned the Anti-Monitor’s beam in the direction of the voice-with-a-god-complex and powered it up.

“Credits! Cut to credits! Episode ov---”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is the shit I come up with to counteract the constant heartache I suffer every week at the hands of this show. I'm not even sorry.


End file.
